The Big Shop Block

Hi, my name is Rebecca and I'm an online shopaholic.

I'm not proud of this but I've burnt through an alarming amount of money in the last year. Considering I was on maternity leave and am now unemployed it's been a shocking use of my resources - all I have to show for it is an unhealthy obsession with vintage/retro everything and an embarrassingly bulging wardrobe (well actually 3 wardrobes all of which are obscenely over flowing). Oh and an almost empty bank account.

If I am to continue being a stay at home mum for as long as possible this frittering of money HAS to stop now. And realistically should have stopped long before. Even as I am sitting here a box of brand new 'Gilda' Chelsea Crew shoes are sitting at my feet having been freshly delivered to my door. My ability to spend has had no limits, nothing has quenched the thirst. It's always a "just this" or "I need this" or "once I have this I won't need to buy anything else for a while." But of course I'm lying to myself and I am probably already thinking about, nay lining up my next purchase.

Why have I so gluttonously overspent? I can't tell you as I'm not entirely sure of the answer and perhaps that will come to light over the coming month. I know that having children changed many things and for a while I felt 'lost.' Also not working and losing that sense of purpose which having a full time job in London gave me I think knocked my sense of self more than I thought it would. Finding the communities I have on Instagram and Facebook has introduced me to a group of women that feel like my 'tribe' and I've honestly never had that before. Perhaps my enthusiasm has got the better of me. No matter the reason, it has to change or things could get genuinely really scary. It's already one hell of a slippery slope...

So, as of tomorrow Wednesday, 1st February marks the beginning of my BIG SHOP BLOCK.

Rules of the Big Shop Block challenge.

The challenge it to get through February without making an online purchase of clothing, jewellery, make-up, footwear, underwear and general accessories (i.e bags, hats, hair flowers). Basically, I have enough of everything and still so many items I haven't even worn yet. There are also things I've ordered which are on the way - seriously. I don't need any more!

• If I break this and buy something I will have to match the amount I spent in a donation to the British Red Cross. 
• In order to discourage online spending I will be limiting my iphone screen time (with particular focus on limiting my social media scanning and online shop browsing). This excludes taking photographs and also using my laptop to write my blog. My idea is to have half an hour in the morning and another half an hour in the afternoon/evening with my phone but that's it. I expect this to be fucking hard as my mobile is practically glued to my person at all times - I reach for the damn thing without thinking.
• Sell. Organise. Use. I need to have a massive go through of my wardrobes/drawers and sell off items I do not or cannot wear. I am effectively starting my February balance at £0. By selling I hope to end February in the black (or at the very least at zero) but hopefully not in minus figures.

• Exceptions to the challenge are;

• I can physically go into and buy things in charity shops (but not 'regular' shops)
• Food and general groceries/toiletries are exempt
• Although make-up and other luxuries like hair accessories etc are banned I am allowed to get my hair and nails done professionally (there are standards darling)
• Money can be spent on going out and experiences - otherwise I'm going to be bouncing off the four walls. Also, spending time with my family outside of the house is very important to me and, as cheesy as it sounds, making memories is so much more important than buying myself clothes. That doesn't mean spending recklessly - I realise we can spend time together and do things without having to spend a lot of money. It just means this will not be taken off the table and doesn't mean I'll suddenly be booking us expensive holidays or extravagant days out.
• If the boys need something I can buy it. BUT they have to really need something and it has to be for a good reason. I do not want to turn buying for my children into an excuse for replacing one shopping habit with another.
• Buying presents & cards for birthdays etc is ok (but I need to learn to be a little more frugal with my present buying, especially for close family. That might be a challenge for another time though).
• Someone else is allowed to buy for me - not that I'm suggesting I'm going to find myself a Sugar Daddy. I suspect my husband would have something to say about that. Also, this doesn't mean I can get someone else to buy for me and pay them later. On that note...
• No buy now pay later i.e using my Very account or any other credit scheme.
• I can use existing or bought for me gift vouchers. So, for example, I have a Vivien of Holloway voucher from Christmas still to spend - and that's ok as long as I don't go over the £150 on it.

At the top left of the blog I've added in a countdown clock and a 'fundraising' style thermometer - visual stimuli is always a fun part of having goals after all.

What do I hope to get out of this?

Realistically I don't expect to be rich at the end of this but I do hope it kind of resets me and my horrendous spending habits. I need to understand the value of things again, to not be so blind to the numbers. It may be that I need to run this for longer than just February. You may also be sitting there thinking "but she's only limited herself to some online shopping." Trust me - it's not just a little habit and when I say addiction I don't feel I am exaggerating. Hours are spent every day looking and shopping, sometimes things go into the basket and get ordered and on others the basket gets filled but I manage to restrain myself (or I just go back again later). I can blow hundreds in a day and not look back. I don't have a figure for how much I've spent but we are looking at chilling numbers - well into the thousands. I feel sick thinking about it.

Onwards and upwards

I think that covers everything I can think of at the moment! I'm nervous but feeling positive and determined about it. I am hoping that I will spend more time doing things with my children and to work on my blog and just generally do any other potentially useful things that do not involve me staring at my phone constantly. Or spending money so vulgarly. I plan to stop in here regularly and update you on the struggle. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Here's to the 

BIG FEBRUARY SHOP BLOCK

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Vintage Fashion not Vintage Ideals

Why hello again you.

I have been missing from the blog for an inordinate amount of time which is trés embarrassant given my last post was all "I'm gonna shake this shit up." Oops. That was flipping September 2016. Cue large red face and sheepish grin...I'm not going to make a bunch of excuses except to say KIDS and LIFE.

I have felt compelled to write this post because I need to come out and declare myself to the world as a FEMINIST. Did you hear me at the back? I don't begin to profess that I'm a political expert or even remotely expert on all things 'feminist' but I know that when I look around the world I can still see blatant inequality and discrimination. Also, the political climate worries me in ways I have never felt threatened before. I need to shout this from the roof tops and make people hear this because you are probably a feminist too - and the more of us identify ourselves as such the stronger we will be.

Caitlin Moran may just be my hero (if you've not heard of her nor read her stuff do please her check out - she's spot on and hilarious to boot) and this blunt declaration of what makes you a feminist is magnificent:

I realise there's more to it than that but it's a good starting place - all these women trying to make out that they don't want feminism and are not a feminist are living with their heads up their arses. They're probably also living in a place of privilege and safety - they can't see how other women in the world need feminism and our sisterly solidarity. We have to fight for each other, we have to fight together or we can never progress. As it is, the decades of hard work and social progress feels like it is all slowly being eroded. There is a sinking feeling, a rage burning too... I do not want this world for my sons. I can raise them with a good and clear message of respect but what of the hateful messages surrounding us in the world outside? Part of me wants to do an ironic bunk a la Blast from the Past and lock us all away in an atomic shelter (side note; Sissy Spacek is a scene stealer in this film - love her!).

"I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own" - Audre Lorde

I may dress in a style from the past, but my attitudes and beliefs are most certainly not from those glorious style eras. I am in disbelief, like the lady below, that so many of the freedoms I enjoy without too much previous thought are now being threatened or undone. I am a privileged white woman, no doubt about it and the social injustices I may experience (or not) are significantly different to other women around the globe. However, I am not in denial about them, I accept they exist, I know that it is much worse for others and I want to stand together with my sisters, not against them. My attitude is sadly not shared by all other white privileged women. I've seen feminism espoused as vulgar and vile (heh?!), that we don't need feminism (double heh?!) and other such misguided pronouncements all over social media following the Women's March. I can't fathom the logic. How did you get to enjoy the freedoms and equalities you have now? By the women who fought and marched before us you Dingbat. Do you think everything you have handed to you on a plate just magically appeared? NO! Decades of protest and hard work by feminists got you`there.

I can't believe I still have to protest this shit


Women's Suffrage

If you're a feminist, you must be a man hater.

Where do you start with this one? WHY does being a feminist mean you hate all men? I can tell you right now, categorically, I do not hate men. I am happily married to a man and I have two beautiful sons. Men are literally my life. I do not make enemies of men by being a feminist - I am calling bullshit on this. Man hating and feminism are not things inevitably intertwined anywhere except in the minds of those who know nothing about what feminism actually is. How many more ways can we state this??!! Get this thick idea out of your head immediately and stop spreading this inaccurate and unhelpful rhetoric. You are 100% correct on this bit though:

MEN ARE NOT OUR ENEMIES

 - A feminist. 

Feminism is the belief that men and women have the right to the same opportunities, that they have equal rights. That's it, in it's simplest terms. Where does hating men come into that? Also, men can be feminists. Did you hear that? Men. Can. Be. Feminists. It's not about putting Women above Men, it's about challenging the inequalities. And yes, that can mean for both men and women. Maternity and Paternity leave for example (men get a bum deal in the UK) - or pay. Why should a man get paid more than a woman for the same role and experience level? It doesn't make sense, right?? And yet that happens all the time. 

There are societal pressures on both sexes. There are sexist expectations all around. Having two sons makes me mindful of this more than ever - not just for them but for my husband too. We are partners in this parenting business and this keeping house malarkey and I want our children to see that. I want them to see that they can be themselves and not have to live up to some expectation of masculinity. 

"Patriarchy also defines the identity of men. It is as much the enforced script of proper masculinity — how to be a real man — as it is that of proper femininity." - Ananya Roy

There is so much about feminism out there that I can't even pretend to have scratched the surface. I just know what feels right to me and what makes sense to me and mine. There are different types of feminism for example and I have not aligned myself to a particular camp - I just believe in the general principles. I will seek to educate myself further but in the meantime I will try my best to follow my principles and to fight for them.

FIGHT THE PATRIARCHY FOR ALL OF US!

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