The Big Shop Block

Hi, my name is Rebecca and I'm an online shopaholic.

I'm not proud of this but I've burnt through an alarming amount of money in the last year. Considering I was on maternity leave and am now unemployed it's been a shocking use of my resources - all I have to show for it is an unhealthy obsession with vintage/retro everything and an embarrassingly bulging wardrobe (well actually 3 wardrobes all of which are obscenely over flowing). Oh and an almost empty bank account.

If I am to continue being a stay at home mum for as long as possible this frittering of money HAS to stop now. And realistically should have stopped long before. Even as I am sitting here a box of brand new 'Gilda' Chelsea Crew shoes are sitting at my feet having been freshly delivered to my door. My ability to spend has had no limits, nothing has quenched the thirst. It's always a "just this" or "I need this" or "once I have this I won't need to buy anything else for a while." But of course I'm lying to myself and I am probably already thinking about, nay lining up my next purchase.

Why have I so gluttonously overspent? I can't tell you as I'm not entirely sure of the answer and perhaps that will come to light over the coming month. I know that having children changed many things and for a while I felt 'lost.' Also not working and losing that sense of purpose which having a full time job in London gave me I think knocked my sense of self more than I thought it would. Finding the communities I have on Instagram and Facebook has introduced me to a group of women that feel like my 'tribe' and I've honestly never had that before. Perhaps my enthusiasm has got the better of me. No matter the reason, it has to change or things could get genuinely really scary. It's already one hell of a slippery slope...

So, as of tomorrow Wednesday, 1st February marks the beginning of my BIG SHOP BLOCK.

Rules of the Big Shop Block challenge.

The challenge it to get through February without making an online purchase of clothing, jewellery, make-up, footwear, underwear and general accessories (i.e bags, hats, hair flowers). Basically, I have enough of everything and still so many items I haven't even worn yet. There are also things I've ordered which are on the way - seriously. I don't need any more!

• If I break this and buy something I will have to match the amount I spent in a donation to the British Red Cross. 
• In order to discourage online spending I will be limiting my iphone screen time (with particular focus on limiting my social media scanning and online shop browsing). This excludes taking photographs and also using my laptop to write my blog. My idea is to have half an hour in the morning and another half an hour in the afternoon/evening with my phone but that's it. I expect this to be fucking hard as my mobile is practically glued to my person at all times - I reach for the damn thing without thinking.
• Sell. Organise. Use. I need to have a massive go through of my wardrobes/drawers and sell off items I do not or cannot wear. I am effectively starting my February balance at £0. By selling I hope to end February in the black (or at the very least at zero) but hopefully not in minus figures.

• Exceptions to the challenge are;

• I can physically go into and buy things in charity shops (but not 'regular' shops)
• Food and general groceries/toiletries are exempt
• Although make-up and other luxuries like hair accessories etc are banned I am allowed to get my hair and nails done professionally (there are standards darling)
• Money can be spent on going out and experiences - otherwise I'm going to be bouncing off the four walls. Also, spending time with my family outside of the house is very important to me and, as cheesy as it sounds, making memories is so much more important than buying myself clothes. That doesn't mean spending recklessly - I realise we can spend time together and do things without having to spend a lot of money. It just means this will not be taken off the table and doesn't mean I'll suddenly be booking us expensive holidays or extravagant days out.
• If the boys need something I can buy it. BUT they have to really need something and it has to be for a good reason. I do not want to turn buying for my children into an excuse for replacing one shopping habit with another.
• Buying presents & cards for birthdays etc is ok (but I need to learn to be a little more frugal with my present buying, especially for close family. That might be a challenge for another time though).
• Someone else is allowed to buy for me - not that I'm suggesting I'm going to find myself a Sugar Daddy. I suspect my husband would have something to say about that. Also, this doesn't mean I can get someone else to buy for me and pay them later. On that note...
• No buy now pay later i.e using my Very account or any other credit scheme.
• I can use existing or bought for me gift vouchers. So, for example, I have a Vivien of Holloway voucher from Christmas still to spend - and that's ok as long as I don't go over the £150 on it.

At the top left of the blog I've added in a countdown clock and a 'fundraising' style thermometer - visual stimuli is always a fun part of having goals after all.

What do I hope to get out of this?

Realistically I don't expect to be rich at the end of this but I do hope it kind of resets me and my horrendous spending habits. I need to understand the value of things again, to not be so blind to the numbers. It may be that I need to run this for longer than just February. You may also be sitting there thinking "but she's only limited herself to some online shopping." Trust me - it's not just a little habit and when I say addiction I don't feel I am exaggerating. Hours are spent every day looking and shopping, sometimes things go into the basket and get ordered and on others the basket gets filled but I manage to restrain myself (or I just go back again later). I can blow hundreds in a day and not look back. I don't have a figure for how much I've spent but we are looking at chilling numbers - well into the thousands. I feel sick thinking about it.

Onwards and upwards

I think that covers everything I can think of at the moment! I'm nervous but feeling positive and determined about it. I am hoping that I will spend more time doing things with my children and to work on my blog and just generally do any other potentially useful things that do not involve me staring at my phone constantly. Or spending money so vulgarly. I plan to stop in here regularly and update you on the struggle. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Here's to the 

BIG FEBRUARY SHOP BLOCK

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Vintage Fashion not Vintage Ideals

Why hello again you.

I have been missing from the blog for an inordinate amount of time which is trés embarrassant given my last post was all "I'm gonna shake this shit up." Oops. That was flipping September 2016. Cue large red face and sheepish grin...I'm not going to make a bunch of excuses except to say KIDS and LIFE.

I have felt compelled to write this post because I need to come out and declare myself to the world as a FEMINIST. Did you hear me at the back? I don't begin to profess that I'm a political expert or even remotely expert on all things 'feminist' but I know that when I look around the world I can still see blatant inequality and discrimination. Also, the political climate worries me in ways I have never felt threatened before. I need to shout this from the roof tops and make people hear this because you are probably a feminist too - and the more of us identify ourselves as such the stronger we will be.

Caitlin Moran may just be my hero (if you've not heard of her nor read her stuff do please her check out - she's spot on and hilarious to boot) and this blunt declaration of what makes you a feminist is magnificent:

I realise there's more to it than that but it's a good starting place - all these women trying to make out that they don't want feminism and are not a feminist are living with their heads up their arses. They're probably also living in a place of privilege and safety - they can't see how other women in the world need feminism and our sisterly solidarity. We have to fight for each other, we have to fight together or we can never progress. As it is, the decades of hard work and social progress feels like it is all slowly being eroded. There is a sinking feeling, a rage burning too... I do not want this world for my sons. I can raise them with a good and clear message of respect but what of the hateful messages surrounding us in the world outside? Part of me wants to do an ironic bunk a la Blast from the Past and lock us all away in an atomic shelter (side note; Sissy Spacek is a scene stealer in this film - love her!).

"I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own" - Audre Lorde

I may dress in a style from the past, but my attitudes and beliefs are most certainly not from those glorious style eras. I am in disbelief, like the lady below, that so many of the freedoms I enjoy without too much previous thought are now being threatened or undone. I am a privileged white woman, no doubt about it and the social injustices I may experience (or not) are significantly different to other women around the globe. However, I am not in denial about them, I accept they exist, I know that it is much worse for others and I want to stand together with my sisters, not against them. My attitude is sadly not shared by all other white privileged women. I've seen feminism espoused as vulgar and vile (heh?!), that we don't need feminism (double heh?!) and other such misguided pronouncements all over social media following the Women's March. I can't fathom the logic. How did you get to enjoy the freedoms and equalities you have now? By the women who fought and marched before us you Dingbat. Do you think everything you have handed to you on a plate just magically appeared? NO! Decades of protest and hard work by feminists got you`there.

I can't believe I still have to protest this shit


Women's Suffrage

If you're a feminist, you must be a man hater.

Where do you start with this one? WHY does being a feminist mean you hate all men? I can tell you right now, categorically, I do not hate men. I am happily married to a man and I have two beautiful sons. Men are literally my life. I do not make enemies of men by being a feminist - I am calling bullshit on this. Man hating and feminism are not things inevitably intertwined anywhere except in the minds of those who know nothing about what feminism actually is. How many more ways can we state this??!! Get this thick idea out of your head immediately and stop spreading this inaccurate and unhelpful rhetoric. You are 100% correct on this bit though:

MEN ARE NOT OUR ENEMIES

 - A feminist. 

Feminism is the belief that men and women have the right to the same opportunities, that they have equal rights. That's it, in it's simplest terms. Where does hating men come into that? Also, men can be feminists. Did you hear that? Men. Can. Be. Feminists. It's not about putting Women above Men, it's about challenging the inequalities. And yes, that can mean for both men and women. Maternity and Paternity leave for example (men get a bum deal in the UK) - or pay. Why should a man get paid more than a woman for the same role and experience level? It doesn't make sense, right?? And yet that happens all the time. 

There are societal pressures on both sexes. There are sexist expectations all around. Having two sons makes me mindful of this more than ever - not just for them but for my husband too. We are partners in this parenting business and this keeping house malarkey and I want our children to see that. I want them to see that they can be themselves and not have to live up to some expectation of masculinity. 

"Patriarchy also defines the identity of men. It is as much the enforced script of proper masculinity — how to be a real man — as it is that of proper femininity." - Ananya Roy

There is so much about feminism out there that I can't even pretend to have scratched the surface. I just know what feels right to me and what makes sense to me and mine. There are different types of feminism for example and I have not aligned myself to a particular camp - I just believe in the general principles. I will seek to educate myself further but in the meantime I will try my best to follow my principles and to fight for them.

FIGHT THE PATRIARCHY FOR ALL OF US!

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Hello... again. I've missed you.

Oh dear. I have been most neglectful of my blog of late. My 'vintage journey' has evolved since the last time I posted here and I feel my blog needs to evolve with it. My writing a post everyday was great but I think a tad optimistic especially given I'm a Mum to two very demanding little boys! I also think my posts were very rambly and unstructured and where I was focussing on writing something, anything, everyday I think the quality of the posts were sub par. I have a tendency to go on and on - 'verbose' is definitely my writing style. So, I really need to write something and then spend more time carefully editing & structuring before posting it.

Something I also struggled with was the lack of feedback and interaction through my blog. I know people were reading it because you have stats to look at but there were no comments etc so it was a little demoralising. It's hard to know if you're actually writing anything that people want to read. I didn't start it entirely with that goal in mind but of course I would be lying if I said I was happy that no one read it at all... what's the point in blogging then?! I think that's why all my attention has been spent on Instagram - it's an instant response. A lot of work goes into an outfit (some days more than others) and it's so much quicker to post it on there and then continue on with your everyday stuff whilst still getting that interaction with like minded gals.

A photo posted by My Rockabilly Summer 💋 (@myrockabillysummer) on Aug 6, 2016 at 8:11am PDT

I've 'virtually' met a lot of these like minded ladies and have recently joined a closed group on Facebook called 'Yesterday' Gals.' For the most part the 'vintage' world is a very friendly, body positive, female affirming sort of community. There are of course negatives - we're human after all. Some people are very judgy and there is some snobbery especially in regards to vintage repro versus genuine vintage. There's also some people who are very strongly opinionated about the dos and don'ts. My personal opinion is that this sense of right and wrong is bollocks. I dress this way because I love it and it's great if others appreciate it but if people don't like it or have negative opinions on how or what I've done then that's their problem. Don't make it mine!

And of course, there's the walking around my home town dressed this way... the looks are one thing but it's the comments i.e "what the fuck" being the most recent utterance. Cheers dude, you too. I also experienced a very negative experience with a drunk moron, see below Insta post on it. In spite of these things, or maybe because of them, my confidence is growing. Where once I might have stripped off everything before leaving the house (not naked obvs, haha) I now generally think 'fuck it.' Actually, often now I don't even think that much of it at all. Depends what sort of day I'm having though.

To the middle aged, bald, beer bellied man with a bad case of the David Dickinson tan - you have a real nerve shouting & swearing at me in the street. Yes I have green hair. And yes you might be showing off to your equally disgusting mate & have possibly just stumbled from a pub somewhere (on a Monday lunchtime I might add)... But does that give you the right to loudly ridicule me in the street? To be rude & obnoxious to a small, not even 5ft woman pushing her two sleeping children home from town? Did it make you feel good about yourself to publicly abuse a stranger, a woman, a mum who did absolutely nothing to you in the first place? And yes, I swore back. I'm sure I could have ignored you or behaved in a more dignified manner but people like you don't understand that. And because fuck you. I'll wear what I want & I'll colour my hair any damn fucking colour I want. I don't do it for you and I don't need to hear if you like it or not you arrogant, self entitled arse. Go fuck yourself sideways. #effyourbeautystandards #mum #mumstyle #greenhair #iwillwearwhatilike #iwilldyemyhair #fuckyou #angryrant #whoaskedyou

A photo posted by My Rockabilly Summer 💋 (@myrockabillysummer) on Aug 1, 2016 at 6:34am PDT

There are also a world of events out there that I didn't know about! The Rockabilly Rave, Twinwood, Rhythm Riot... I want to try them all. There's a 40s weekender coming up at Chatham Dockyards which is actually fairly local to me so I'm thinking that might be the perfect opportunity to pop my vintage event cherry. Just need to find people to go with me and work out what I do with the kids - I actually think it would be a great event to take them to. Just need to convince the husband. I also think my sister would love it. Actually, I would love to dress her up too like when we were kids, haha.

So, in order to reinvigorate this blog I've come up with a few new ground rules:

1. I've decided to try writing a post once a week (possibly two depending on what material I have and how much time I actually get). I want to aim for quality over quantity.
2. Better quality photos. I am guilty of shooting everything with my iphone. It's ok for instagram but I would like to practice and improve my photography with my much loved but ever so neglected Nikon.
3. Get my arse out of the house. I really think it's important to have posts that are more than me being a shut in! It needs to be less diary like and full of more interesting pieces... I'm sure no one wants to read about how I'm having a crap day.

Vintage is for life, not just for Summer. 

Originally this blog was about me going for it over the Summer months before my maternity leave was up. But, due to fortuitous circumstances I'm not going back to the world of work as soon as originally planned. In fact, I'm not going back to my corporate job at all so the future is wide open. Scary but exciting.

I've got plenty of ideas for posts so I just need to get on with it now.

Here's to a hopefully new and improved blog. And an exciting new chapter in my life.

Thanks for reading.

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Colour me Happy & a charity shop hoak

My outfit yesterday was an exercise in brightening myself up on the outside in the hope it would do the same for my mood. And do you know what? It actually worked.

I have a lovely bright red cardigan from Lindy Bop called 'Hartley' which has cute little heart shaped buttons and a heart pattern all over it. I teamed it with some cropped tight black trousers and a black vest underneath to avoid exposing my bare midriff to the world. I've been giving my skin a little bit of a rest from the foundations so just used a dusting of powder. I have been loving my new Benefit eyebrow cream gel as I actually think I look like I have groomed eyebrows for once so that's been going on everyday. To match the vibrant red top I wore my Makeup Revolution lippy in 'Dare' which went really well with it I thought.

A photo posted by My Rockabilly Summer 💋 (@myrockabillysummer) on Jun 30, 2016 at 5:02am PDT

I didn't bother much with my hair - just caught it back at the sides with a couple of small black barrettes. It was a mess but I didn't really mind and I wore some small black round studs I've had in my jewellery box forever. And that was that!

I decided to finally go into town and have a look around the big Sue Ryder charity shop to see what vintage goodies I might be able to find. I've been meaning to go for a while but it's hard to find the time - also I am never alone! I brought my youngest son along in his pushchair whilst the eldest was in nursery. Because I had the pushchair (it's a Baby Jogger City Select which is WIDE) I only ventured into this shop as I just knew I would probably never get in and around any smaller charity stores. I did attempt to go to into this cool little shop called 'Trash or Treasure' on my way back out of the town but the pushchair is just too enormous. I managed to have a quick shufty in the jewellery cases but I must go back on my own and have a proper look around.

My mission was to find brooches as it seems to be the one item I'm missing from my vintage get up. Sadly, I failed on this front but I did find a pair of sherry glasses (I'm such an old lady - I love a drop of Harvey's Bristol Cream) for £1.50, a vintage 70s (I think) Lahmy scarf for £2 and a couple of mother of pearl bangles. There was a straw shopper bag in the window which I didn't buy but I can't stop thinking about it so I might have to go back for it.

They've got some fab vintage furniture in there too - there was a fantastic vanity table just inside the door. If only I had the room for it!! They also had one of those old fashioned hood dryers - again, if only I had the space.

I basically need to go back by myself and have a good hoak (as the Ulster lot say). My Granny has always been one for a good poke around a charity shop and I've never seen the appeal until now. And this has got to be cheaper than my online shopping habit, haha. My goal is to do a charity shop trawl around as many of the stores in Maidstone as I can by myself and see what and where have the best vintage goodies. Do some 'thrifting' as I've noticed the Americans call it.

I 'christened' one of my glasses before dinner. It's actually so silly how happy this made me, haha.

Thanks for reading.

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Tea dress and a crisis of confidence

I've been feeling a bit low the last few days and it's been a struggle to get up the motivation to dress up etc. I've also been finding it hard to leave the house. Not sure why I get bouts of this but it does happen now and again. It's really frustrating. I did have a phone call with HR at the beginning of the week which I was very nervous about and which I think might have triggered this. Although the call itself was not particularly scary it does have ramifications in my upcoming work life. I won't know anything for sure until the end of this week apparently but having it hanging over me does create a bit of a cloud.

I did nothing of note yesterday and so there are no outfits or anything to blog about. However, the day before I did manage to cobble something together so here it is!

I originally did my hair like the below -  a suicide roll, old flower slide and a polka dot scarf:

However, I took this all out as was feeling really uninspired and was panicking about going outside with it. Seriously! I feel stupid writing that but there you go.

So, instead I tied my hair into a ponytail, then added a black chiffon scarf and I used my faberoo Babyliss Perfect Curl to curl it.

For some reason I felt better with my hair like this as it's not an exact style I've done before and it felt quite cute and Rockabilly.

I wore an old Dorothy Perkins teal tea dress that I bought eons ago in BHS. I have a lovely pale baby blue cropped cardigan from New Look that looked well with the dress and, as my feet are still recovering from my Miss L Fire sandals, I wore some comfy but ugly slip on black plimsolls.

I managed to drag myself and baby up to the post office in this. Dressing up can be really self affirming some days and other days it can make me feel very self conscious. I really enjoy it but there's those days when the voices crowd me a bit and I start second guessing everything. Sorry, this must be really boring to read!

A photo posted by My Rockabilly Summer 💋 (@myrockabillysummer) on Jun 28, 2016 at 6:13am PDT

I also used my new Benefit 'They're real; push up gel eyeliner' in beyond black and some of their new brow products ( they have a new range and now have 9 different products for girls and their brows). I will blog about them another time.

Thanks, as always, for reading.

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